The Banner of Shame
The banner of shame is another banner we can operate under, whose underlying premise is one of condemnation. How do you know you are operating with this motive? Well, one of the subtle ways to know is if you fear man. Why? Because he might condemn you down to the very core of who you are. As humans we all have a way of ranking who is acceptable and who is not. Having standards, opinions, likes and dislikes is not the problem, it is the motive behind them that causes the problems. How does it work? When someone makes a critical statement about you or you make one about another, it conveys a message that the other has not met up to the required standard or expectation which conveys the feeling of shame. Shame means you have missed the mark and are unworthy.
Shame motivated statements say, “How could you….” or “You should be…” The underlying premise is that you are a bad person for failing to meet up to the approved standard. There is no acceptance unless you can meet the standard. The standard may be good but operating with this motive, the statement turns into the voice of condemnation of the entire person who consistently is falling short. This means there is a subtle rejection of the person in the process. How does God view this whole question of one of His children not being good enough at a foundational level?
“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death” (Romans 8:1-2).
Consider these other ways shame can color our thoughts:
“She doesn’t adhere to my Christian standards.”
“She doesn’t dress, act, speak or think like I think she should, therefore she is one of the ‘bad’ people, who are in a sub class of the ‘not arriving’ nor being of the ‘truly accepted’, like we are.”
“She sinned in that way. Even though she has asked forgiveness, she is so tainted that she can never be considered one of the ‘good’ Christians again. She is marked for life.”
What is happening in the above situations? Outside of the fact that there is a lot of pride in the above statements, the person spoken against is being condemned in a way that God doesn’t condemn us. This is ‘others exclusion’ and when we exclude others in this way, we are operating both under the banner of the law (which is acceptance by works), and under the banner of shame (which says ‘you are unworthy and should be thrown out’). But how does God view things?
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him” (Romans 5:8).
“Therefore as the elect of God, holy and beloved…” (Colossians 3:12a).
His children, all of them, at the point of salvation are now holy, and ‘beloved’, only because of Christ. When God looks at His child, He doesn’t see their imperfections. He sees Christ, because we are hidden in Christ.
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).
You can also operate under the banner of shame in how you view yourself. Consider these subtle ways shame can creep into your inner thoughts:
“Everyone else has their life put together and I do not.”
“What are they thinking of me right now?” (As if you were up on a firing range, vulnerable to be shot down.)
“I am a failure.”
“I am on the outside and they, the inside.”
“I am not beautiful.” (This is really saying, ‘I am not worthy of love the way I am now. I must lose weight, change the way I look and do something else to be worthy’).
“Nobody really loves nor understands me.”
“Everyone else is doing this thing, if I don’t follow suit I’ll be labeled as not with it (not worth it).”
“I’ll never get married. Nobody will ever want me.”
All of these are shame based which is a form of self-condemnation that says, I am bad, and unworthy. But consider your position in these verses:
“And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight” (Colossians 1:21, 22).
“as the Father loved Me, I also have loved you. Abide in My love” (John 15:9).
“And all mine are Yours and Yours are Mine, and I am glorified in them” (17:10).
That is where you are, down to the very core, and you can’t change that by your personal opinion of yourself or by rejection from others. This is a gift, not something earned. Yes, you still sin and need sanctifying, but the acceptance part is done. How God views you now is holy and beloved in Christ who is glorified in you. Your position is not one of being up on a firing range vulnerable to the hits of sinful man’s opinions, that could sabotage your real worth. You are hidden in Christ and He is your shield. He is your champion and He takes the hits because He loves you and you are His. All you have to do is look up and take orders. He handles the rest.